I can drive

I Can Drive!!

Before you say, “Duh,So can million other people”. This is much more than that! Driving a car was just the surface to underlying challenges, and facing it was the biggest step of facing a fear of 15 years.

Finally, I can drive! I love to drive, and I can say with confidence I can drive. I know for a fact that this is a life skill worth having, and you don’t need a PhD to do it. But yes, I couldn’t do it. And it was not because I did not know what it was. Well! I did earn my driving license with a proper H and uphill test. But it all started to come back. Just like any other, I got my license six months after I was 18. Coming from a family with great female drivers, it was quite a shame that I couldn’t manage the car. It was, in fact, traumatic for me to even consider driving it. It was more of a small instance from my first drive. nd It wasn’t as expected. The start and end were the first days. It ended as a trauma because my car slid back and hit an auto. Fortunately everything was ok and the auto driver was empathetic. But that was it. I didn’t want to kill anyone, and I was determined not to touch that steering wheel again. The trauma gave me scary dreams of driving into someone or something. And remotely, environmental consciousness is needed to save the planet. But it was a skill that I must know, especially in the case of “emergencies.” Through graduation and after, I was happy with my bicycle and scooter.

The max to max i gave myself was a remote probability of driving a mini electric car or Alto or anything smaller. Definetly not a manual SUV. But what my husband saw in me was the ability to do that. (I really thought he is blind)

But that was a little absurd, because I did have to depend on my husband to take us to places after my daughter was born. Though I did choose Uber or Ola, (when in Bangalore), just so that I can avoid driving. This was so not me. or suitable for someone claiming to be independent. Fast forward, finally in the Netherlands, when I thought my “cycling to work” was a reality. Thanks to the Dutch weather, cycling wasn’t as pleasurable as it looked. But that did not stop me, because of my super tight ego and the fact that we all need to be “independent.” Finally, my bakfeits ditched me; it decided to break into two (I will say supernatural intervention) that were completely irreparable. Tada: NOW I AM STUCK! Due to my unfortunate situation, I was stuck between situations. Bye-bye freedom, and face my ever-strong fear of driving. My freedom was way too important for the fear to stop. Though I had my license converted to the European license, I still had to learn! Finally, I joined a driving class for a refresher course because I had a license.

That was a life changer.

The first day! I almost peed in my pants. The cold Netherlands, I came back sweating after the one hour of driving. I had all the mind to say – that is it. I will walk to anywhere. Then I saw two kids and a dog. I wasn’t left with a choice.

The next day was funnier, and the instructor kept asking me if I really had my license. And I said, “Yes,” but I hate this stuff. He found it weird because it wasn’t supposed to be a stressful activity. Driving classes brought my stress level over the roof, and the thought of it was simply scary.

Fortunately I had great people around me including my husband, who constantly reminded me that, it is eventually muscle memory that is going to fall in place etc. ( I did want to tell him, if I have any muscle and bones left in that is.

Yet another, was my pastor’s message from church , main two take aways:

1. Sometimes you need to run towards the direction of your fears to conqueror it

2. If lord needs to work in you, we need to have self-belief and be able to visualise it.

I think my instructor was a philosopher who happened to be a driving instructor. One hour of constant gyan from him, was also a reason for me to pick up the skills fast. (I like to talk but not listen to him for five to six hours of the same stuff.) but the essence of the stuff made sense.

a. Mind your own business and stay in your line. Unless otherwise the situation demands, do not be bothered by the vehicle coming in the opposite direction.

b. Be observant – the cyclist, the pedestrians, the boards but do not be an overthinker.

c. Never decide anything on the first two days! (of course not figuratively), especially when your emotional level is high. The force on the car can misguide it.

It all made complete sense by the fifth day! I could drive.

The sixth day, I took the car out alone, and the first drive was life-changing. It transformed the way I looked at life, and I can say, for good. Driving is just an example of what can be an obstacle in our lives. It is an example of “fear of failure”—fear of judgment or so. You may have something that hinders you from moving forward, but the sooner you face it, the sooner you move forward.

Finally:

1. Go towards the direction of your fear. It can scare you only as long as it is away. You will be surprised to see how wonderfully you fight it when you are in it.

2. Be observant, but do not be an overthinker. We cannot have a solution for everything or a “perfect” fit. It’s all probability, what suits best in a particular situation, and what you can trade off.

3. Self-belief is different from overconfidence, so have self-belief.

4. Do our part rightly, and others theirs, life can be peaceful. (relatively) because that is only thing we can control. Do that one thing CORRECT.

5. Never decide on the first setback because it is emotionally contaminated. It is hard, but you will see the struggle eventually come down. At least you know you tried it!

Sense of confidence, boldness, freedom and space at its optimal and family context. and I think every woman needs it that sense of self.