An Expat Mom!

Disclaimer: Only for non-judgemental reader !

Migrating with two kids got me “off guard”. Perhaps it was a moment that we can call “Ignorance is bliss”, like when I took a flight alone with my 4-month-old and 5-year-old to join my husband in The Netherlands. At that time, it was all about getting the family together and perhaps enjoying a short holiday before heading back home. Well,Lord had planned it otherwise. Choosing to stay in The Netherlands turned out to be the most challenging decision I had made in a long time. I was super happy with my career , a wonderful nanny, and a strong support system back in Bangalore. But then, there comes an unexpected adventure. Almost two years have passed since, and I can now say what many experienced mothers would say: “I can’t remember” or “it was enriching.” I know there’s a lot more to come, but as an expat mom, I’ve learned one thing for certain—it’s hard. Parenting, by default, is not easy because we are raising unique individuals. Though having a support system eases could ease it relatively, it’s still a challenging journey due to the mental load and the responsibility of raising individuals. Many generations have done it and continue to do so, but that doesn’t make it any easier (Clique is , “Why make them if its challenging” well! Higher risk, higher the returns!). However, I can say that over time, I’ve become a better version of myself as a mom. To reach this point, I had to accept a few truths, and this phase took the longest:

1. MY CHILDREN belong to the Lord- I cannot protect them or teach them everything. The Lord entrusted them to me because he believes I am capable with His grace. I decided to place them in His hands and do what I can with His grace. Some days, I provided them with the most nutritious food, read to them, taught them, engaged them in positive activities, played with them, while other days, I simply ensured they stayed safe. I’ve learned to pray for grace.

2. I AM THE DEFAULT PARENT: Perhaps due to the strong maternal bond, moms often become the default parent. I fought against this concept for a long time, but it drained me. I despised the idea that “If it doesn’t go through Mom’s head, it’s not done.” My husband, being a gem, tried his best to step in, but it became messier. Accepting this reality was the most significant breakthrough. It’s not about equating unconditional love and sacrifice; it’s about teamwork and taking on different roles. Keep it simple. With that acceptance came the courage to say, “I DECIDE FOR MY KIDS!”

3. Taking Ownership: I used to be overly concerned about what others would think, and it controlled my actions. When I let go of that concern, it was liberating. Now, it’s between the Lord, my husband, and me to decide what happens in my house and with my children. I take the lead in making decisions for them and what’s best for them. If someone has a comment or a problem, I don’t have the time or space to listen to it, and I don’t encourage it. Take ownership and let it be. Yes, there are days when things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay!

4. Letting things be: Some days, the laundry is done, and we have a full-course meal ready, and the house is clean. Other days, the girls are at home, and you can’t walk without stepping on a toy. But that’s okay!

5. I am just as important : I share my passion with my girls and show them how much I love my work. I express my ideas to them and demonstrate my passion for what I do. I also share some of my struggles and let them know that I am learning along the way. I can see that my elder daughter…"

6. Stop fighting the waves: Its not about content with disadvantage, but where facts have to be accepted, it has to be accepted. The moment i stopped fighting against “chosen” odds, it was easier to manage them. Sometimes best ways to push through is to stop fighting against it. Especially with parenting. Accepting my children the way they are, letting them grow and be children helped me love them more, be a better mom version of me.

I miss having a support system, but I cherish the freedom of parenting and the ability to say no that I’ve gained. It’s tough, but as the days go by, we’re making progress. This phase will pass. Moral of the story : It’s all about grace, and that’s all we need. Pray for wisdom and keep unnecessary advice out of your head. Like many seasoned parents, I’m sure I’ll eventually forget the struggles, and that’s the beauty of it. But I want to tell all moms and dads that you’re doing a great job! AGAIN, it’s okay. I’ve learned that I’m not in a competition to prove how much I’ve sacrificed or how well I’ve managed everything. I’m here to keep our family together and raise two beautiful and confident girls that the Lord has entrusted to me, setting a decent example for them.

FINALLY, it took me 24 months and country change to love being a mother.